In possessing a thorough and eclectic music collection one will inevitably come across any given number of songs generally held in high disregard by the general public. Being an individual whose Winamp playlist is occasionally graced by the likes of Glen Campbell, Paul Revere and the Raiders, and the Starland Vocal Band, I should know this fact better than most people. Even if they are considered infamously bad, however, there’s something about the absurdity of these songs that appeals to me.
One particular number that’s been a sporadic addition to my list for quite a few years now is Richard Harris’ MacArthur Park. Written by Jimmy Webb and first released in 1968 as part of the album A Tramp Shining, MacArthur Park is judged by many to be the absolute worst song ever recorded. MacArthur Park has also found its place as the grand epitome of nonsensical lyrics, which, when combined with high-pitched wailing and garish composition, had for years left thousands of radio listeners scratching their heads wondering exactly what they’d just heard. It thus comes as no surprise that Richard Harris – the same Richard Harris best known by modern movie audiences for his roles in Gladiator and the Harry Potter series – had gradually downplayed any connection to the song up through his death in 2002.
Which is too bad, since MacArthur Park was unquestionably his greatest accomplishment. Really, though – any song capable of eliciting a reaction like it did truly justifies its own appeal.
Plainly stated, MacArthur Park is an allegory for one man’s bittersweet recollection of and regret over an irretrievably lost love affair. How exactly the following lyrics illustrate that concept is probably best left to the imagination.
MacArthur Park – Richard Harris
Spring was never waiting for us, girl
It ran one step ahead
As we followed in the dance
Between the parted pages and were pressed
In love’s hot, fevered iron
Like a striped pair of pants
MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
I recall the yellow cotton dress
Foaming like a wave
On the ground around your knees
The birds, like tender babies in your hands
And the old men playing checkers by the trees
MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
[break]
There will be another song for me
For I will sing it
There will be another dream for me
Someone will bring it
I will drink the wine while it is warm
And never let you catch me looking at the sun
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
You’ll still be the one
I will take my life into my hands and I will use it
I will win the worship in their eyes and I will lose it
I will have the things that I desire
And my passion flow like rivers through the sky
And after all the loves of my life
After all the loves of my life
I’ll be thinking of you
And wondering why
[extended break]
MacArthur’s Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don’t think that I can take it
‘Cause it took so long to bake it
And I’ll never have that recipe again
Oh, no!
Oh, no
No, no
Oh no!!
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Number Six,
After reading this I wanted to disagree. I mean, unquestionably there has to be a worse song, right? I mean there are tons of songs to choose from. So I started to do a little research. Informal to be sure. I am a slacker after all. So I typed, “Worst songs ever written” into a search engine and proceeded to read through people’s lists. I read a lot of opinions about a lot of songs. One thing that stood out was that a person’s taste in music heavily influenced their list. One list in particular featured a lot of Bread and Seals and Croft songs which I happen to like.
But there were a handful of songs that did seem to be universally hailed as unspeakably bad. The two main culprits were Richard Harris’ masterpieceand Billy Don’t be a Hero by Bo Donaldson & The Haywoods. Now I have an unnatural hatred for songs with my name in them. Don’t ask me why but I do. And Billy Don’t be a Hero may be my least favorite song of all time. Followed closely by Wedding Bell Blues (Won’t you marry me Billlllllll)
BUT, as an objective observer, MacArthur Park is a far superior crappy song. The incomprehensible lyrics and exceptionally poor vocal performance can still make me cringe while being surprisingly captivating.
My main memory of MacArthur Park is playing it in my High School Stage Band. If you think Richard Harris is bad, try a elevator music version played by some questionably talented High School musicians. Bad doesn’t even come close to describing the trama on my pysche that imposed.
You know, I have an extreme distaste for Jim Stafford’s My Girl Bill, and my own name plays nowhere into it. In fact, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard a song that prominently featured my name, aside from a record purchased by my aunt on my third birthday. The lyrics, as well as I can remember them, were something to the effect of “Singing, ‘Matthew, it’s your birthday! Matthew, it’s your birthday!’ Happy birthday, Matthew, see you next yeeeeaaarrrrr!!” And although it never went down in the annals of music infamy, it very well could have.
I do agree with what you’re saying, Bill, and I by no means wrote this to further degrade these songs. I believe it’s really a matter of perspective, and finding appeal where others fail to. As you said, you’d came across varying lists, some including songs by groups such as Bread and Seals and Crofts. There are songs by Bread that are particularly important to me, and I certainly wouldn’t ever change that because others consider them bad.
And I can only begin to imagine a high school band rendition of MacArthur Park. I believe the band at my high school played the same generic cacophony at each and every pep rally and just hoped someone might mistake it for a popular tune of the day. To have heard them aiming for something like MacArthur Park would’ve undoubtedly been an affront to the ears.
I agree completely, Number Six.
There are some songs by Bread that I absolutely love and always will. It sounds like the birthday song left quite an impression on you. 
Someone thought it would be funny to buy the Crossing The Shannon CD for me because it had the song Heather on the Moor. Here are the lyrics:
Heather on the Moor
lyrics and music Traditional
Borrowed from Heatherlands
I roved out on a bright May morn,
So calm and clear was the weather
I chanced to roam some miles from home,
Among the beautiful blooming heather,
chorus:
And it’s heather on the moor, over the heather,
Over the moor and among the heather
(repeat last line of previous verse)
And it’s heather on the moor.
As I roved along with my hunting song,
My heart as light as any feather.
l met a pretty maid upon the way,
She was tripping the dew down from the heather.
“Where are you going to my pretty fair maid,
Come hill or dale now tell me whether.”
Right modestly she answered me,
“To the feeding of my lambs together.”
“I come from far beyond the hill,
To fetch a lamb that’s strayed from t’other.
But I think I’ll stay awhile this day
And take me time among the heather”
Well, we both shook hands and there we sat,
For it being the finest day in summer,
We sat ’til the red setting beams of the sun
Came a-sparklin’ down upon the heather.
“Now, I must be gone before night’s dawn,
And take the little one with the others
But I am loathe to part from you
As loathe are lambs to depart their mothers”
Up she rose and away she goes,
Her place and name l know not either,
But if I were king, I’d make her queen,
The lass I met among the heather
My point was never that the songs by Bread were bad nor should they be considered bad. My point was that the people who’s list disparaged Bread didn’t include songs by Def Lepard, while other lists made no mention of Seals And Croft but despised the 80′s rock scene. So it was a matter of perception.
My taste in music is purely my own. And regardless of what others believe certain songs will resonate with me all through my days.
One of which I wrote about here is More Than A Feeling by Boston. Imagine my surprise when a song that means so much to me got absolutely trashed on the radio the other day with someone actually suggesting it was not just not a good song but a terrible song.
I’m glad you have found songs that have special meaning to you. There is nothing more associative to me than music. Sometimes I can’t remember what I had for dinner but I can remember what I was doing when Laura Brannigan scored with that most forgettable classic – Gloria. I was reading the Lord of the Rings for the first time. Even now I read the quest of the ring with that song in the background of my mind like a soundtrack.
Hmm seems to me there is a column in here somewhere.
Well, I love Bread and Def Leppard, so there! It seems to me that you and Number Six have similar views on this issue, Bill. No one suggested that you were knockin’ Bread.
And yes, it’s a guy. His name may be more manly than Lynn Bergeron’s, but his voice surely isn’t. 
By the way, I bet can top any bad song that you two have ever heard. In fact, I guarantee it. Download this and see what I mean.
This is an extremely fun topic. And I could probably go on for hours. And after my last comment I may write something on the my own musical associations.
)
The trick to the game is finding bad songs that while unspeakably bad, also gained inexplicable popularity. Songs that everyone now cringes at the sound of but at the time, someone had to like them.
And to that end MacArthur Park may be the king of bad songs. But once again, that is only MY perception.
Are you trying to suggest that Klaus Nomi wasn’t popular at one time?!?!?!?
Um, yes.
Klaus would be hurt.
He’s extremely popular in his native Germany, second only to David Hasselhoff, or so I hear.
Ah yes, Hasselhoffian envy. A tragic condition. Now I do feel bad that I have furthered injured Klaus’ pride. I mean, hasn’t he suffered enough. Second fiddle to David Hasselhoff has to be as demoralizing as listening to a high school band play MacArthur Park. I don’t wish that fate on any living creature.
Heather, there in fact exist damning photographs which depict me listening enthralled to the aforementioned birthday song. Upon discovering they’d produced similar records for any other given name, however, the novelty quickly lost its luster.
And I’ve never personally heard Lynn Bergeron’s voice, but I believe I can safely assume that Klaus possesses one sufficiently higher-pitched for the given distinction. I’m only surprised the Germans don’t like him even more than Hasselhoff.
Bill, I’d certainly never meant to imply that I felt your point was to label Bread songs as bad, or any other songs, for that matter, and I’m sorry if it had seemed that way. As Heather noted, I do really think we’re in agreement on this issue. To leave the true quality of songs to perception had absolutely been a concept I’d hoped this post would carry.
Ah, ok Number Six. Of course we understand each other. We usually do. I did indeed get that from your original post which is why I made a point to bring it up in my comment. I think the only reason I even mentioned a band by name was I have Bread in my regular rotation these days so it struck me to see it in someone’s alltime worst song list. And then the next list I looked at was all songs from the 80′s running from the aforementioned Def Lepard (who I happen like too Heather) to the Beastie Boys (who I don’t
).
So the perceptions really struck me. But even amongst all those variations, there were still a few songs universally hailed as bad. And I think you highlighted the absolute king of those songs in your post. So while much of someones list seems to be made up of songs that are not their taste, there DO seem to be a few songs that are truly freaks of nature that are horrible but yet still have popularity.
I really find this a very fun topic to talk about. Thanks for bringing it up.
Beastie Boys rock!
No I thought the Beastie Boys were always on vacation?
As far as the Beastie Boys go, I’m not quite sure how their propensity to vacation could really be correlated to any inability to rock. They just get paid a lot less for doing it that way.