Headlines

These are actual (according to someone) headlines collected during 2003. Enjoy.

  • Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
  • Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
  • Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
  • Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
  • Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
  • Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
  • Miners Refuse to Work after Death
  • Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
  • War Dims Hope for Peace
  • If Strike Isn`t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
  • Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
  • Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
  • Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
  • Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
  • Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
  • New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
  • Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
  • Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
  • Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
  • Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
  • Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

(Thanks to Adam for sending these to me)

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About Heather

About Me: I'm a semi-extroverted introvert. I've been called an Arrogant Bastardâ„¢, but I'm really pretty nice once you get to know me. Who I'd like to meet: Sportos, Motorheads, Geeks, Sluts, Bloods, Waistoids, Dweebies, Dickheads, and Righteous Dudes. Interests: Alphabetizing, Butterflies, Cooking, Daydreaming, Ephemeron, FARK, Gardening, Harmony, Igloos, Japanese (language & culture), Kite Flying, Lemons, Music, Noodles, Ogres, Photography, Quiet, Rodeos, Slip 'n' Slide, Thai Food, Umbrellas, Violets, Whispering, X-Rays, Yoga, Zebras Favorite Music: AC/DC, Beastie Boys, CCR, Dwarves, Elvis, Fairport Convention, Grand Funk Railroad, Hives, Iron Maiden, Jimi Hendrix, Kinks, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Motorhead, NWA, Otis Redding, Pink Floyd, Quiet Riot, REO Speedwagon, Santana, The Transplants, Uninvited, Visitacion Valley Boys, The Who, Yardbirds, ZZ Top Favorite Movies: Airplane!, Big Lebowski, A Clockwork Orange, Dirty Harry, Evil Dead, Fifth Element, Grease, Harold and Maude, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jaws, Killer Klowns From Outer Space, Life of Brian, My Favorite Year, Napoleon Dynamite, O Brother, Where Art Thou?, Princess Mononoke, The Quick And The Dead, Ricky-Oh, Star Wars, To Sir, With Love, Unforgiven, Vertigo, Wild Zero, Xanadu, Young Frankenstein, Zabriskie Point Favorite Books: Who reads books? Well, I do, but I am too lazy to come up with a list. Here's my TV List: Adventures of Brisco County Jr., Bionic Woman (coming soon to DVD w00t), Crossing Jordan, Dark Angel, Ewoks, Futurama, Green Acres, Hawaii Five-O, Invader Zim, Jack of All Trades, Knight Rider, LOST, MXC!!!, Nickelodeon, One Day At A Time, The Prisoner, Q-Bert, Red Dwarf, Supercar, Tom & Jerry, Unsolved Mysteries, Venture Bros., Wonder Woman, X-Files, The Young Riders, Zoobilee Zoo (okay I'm reaching with that one)
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3 Responses to Headlines

  1. Bill says:

    Dare I get my hopes up that we might see more contributions from you Heather? I truly hope so. And some from Number Six would be nice too. Both of you have been missed.
    As far as these headlines go I love the careless use of the English language. I find things like this so incredibly funny. Thanks for sharing them with us.

  2. Number Six says:

    I really enjoy these sorts of things, too. :) My thanks as well for sharing them. These aren’t nearly as good, but here are some similar headlines I found in a National Lampoon: True Facts book:
    Body search reveals $4,000 in crack
    Carbon man sets himself on fire
    Mother of disabled student charges aide with battery
    Multiple-personality rapist sentenced to two life terms
    Relief groups help hurt family
    Officials warn clams, oysters can carry virus
    Disciples of Christ name interim leader
    Lebanon will try bombing suspects
    Coke head to speak here
    Shortage of brains slows medical research
    Sadness is No.1 reason men and women cry
    Iran claims success in its attacks on Iran

  3. Heather says:

    Haha, those are great, Number Six! Thank you. :)
    No promises about more regular posting, Bill. ;)

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